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As an adult, I use nunchucks way less than I expected.
Spoiler alert: this milk expired five days ago
60% of women fake orgasm.. 100% of men don`t give a sh*t about it..
The wrong time to have a seizure is probably during a Harlem Shake Video.
My number one rule to live by is: Don’t die.
Stole a cart from this woman at Walmart today. I like to think of it as playing grand theft auto suburbs edition.
It`s so cold, I just got a $5 foot long from subway, but by the time I got back to my car it was only 6 inches.
How can I go to sleep when this movie I’ve seen 70 times just started?
When I asked if you had protection, pepper spray isn’t what I meant.
So you mean to tell me a stress ball isn`t for throwing at people who stress you out?
Can I tell you how terribly grateful I am that no one had cell phones, iPads or digital cameras when I had to squaredance in P.E.
My participation in this meeting will be based solely on the snacks they provide.
I`d go to church if they had Wi-Fi.
FACT: Men are much less likely to divulge a secret than women. Probably because they weren`t really listening to begin with.
Sexual education classes in school should just be listening to a baby cry for 5 hours straight while watching the same cartoon on repeat.