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Summer is here. I`m in the process of moving all my bad habits outside.
If my job was to make health questionnaires, I`d slip in random stuff like "How fast can you run backwards?"
Sometimes I like to play God and just ignore everyone when they talk to me.
Sarcasm. Because communicating with morons is hard.
Never let a medical procedure scare you. That`s what the bill is for.
People should have to pass an IQ test to use the internet.
Not to brag, but I’m pretty good in bed. I don’t snore or steal covers, and I only pee if something startles me.
You make me wanna be a better stalker. No, seriously. Slow the f*ck down.
Paying a homeless man to pee on your ex`s windshield, is just about the most fun you can have with 5 bucks.
I`m off to bed. For those of you who wish to add a touch of authenticity to your fantasies, the sheets are pale blue...
Hawaii is a great place to live if you hate being eligible for contests.
Sometimes you just have to logout...
I`ve totally cut carbs out of my diet. Until lunch.
Imagine if trees gave off WiFi signals, We would be planting so many trees. And we`d probably save the planet too! Too bad they only produce the oxygen we breath :/
There are 10 types of people in the world, Those that understand binary, and those who don`t.