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cable TV.... helping us avoid Presidential speeches for nearly four decades
Its all fun and games..until you get stuck on a level of candy crush!!!
I saw a midget carrying a tv to his car today. I said "hey, would you like some help with that plasma?" He said "f*ck off asshole, it`s an IPad!"
Checked a lot off my thought-about-doing-today list.
The WWF advert asks, “When the ice goes, where do the polar bears go?” ... Well, swimming, I suppose.
All my bills say "outstanding", I guess that means I`m good to go!
I want to start a womans magazine called "Period". ..then every few months I`ll send it out late JUST to freak them out. ;)
My math is never so quick or exact as when I see an old flame with a child.
If we start calling it `potato juice`, Vodka becomes a health drink. RIGHT?
To the lady at Costco with her son on a leash. I`m sorry that I asked if he was a rescue.
Im not fat I´m just easier to see
Tomorrow I`m going to start using big words to sound smart....Sorry, I meant utilizing gargantuan idioms to simulate intelligence
Fun game: Borrow some tools from your neighbor and return them one by one covered in blood until they move.
I love how my calendar assumes when I add a 8:00 event, it`s AM. Google thinks I`ve got my life together.
I hate when the remote is way over there