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People like you are the reason why the middle finger was invented
My email notification is a cricket sound that drives the wife crazy looking for the cricket. Winning!
I find it most unfair that the dentist in this neighborhood hands out toothbrushes for Halloween but the pharmacist doesn`t hand out drugs.
An apple a day is bullsh!t. Apples are dangerous. Just look at Eve, Snow White, Blackberry or any pig at a luau.
I`ll never become mature enough to not laugh out loud when the person in the stall next to me farts so loud it sounds like a volcano just erupted.
I just saw a 2 or 3yr old boy wearing a t-shirt that says, "if mom or dad wont buy it I`ll just sms grandma and grandpa"
the `real` me doesnt do facebook
Hey people who buy bottled water for their dogs, can I have some money?
A lie is just a great story that someone ruined by telling the truth.
Thanks coffee for tricking us into believing that it`s a good morning for a few minutes.
It isn’t premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married, right?
When do you take 5 hr energy? Right when I get off work ..12am!..beer here I come!
The best thing about smartphones is that you don`t have to refold maps anymore.
if your looking for love sorry to disappoint you im already in a relationship with fun and freedom. :-)
Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.