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I hate grocery shopping. That`s why I just steal a full cart when somebody turns away. I never know what I`m getting, but it sure is faster.
Beauty comes in all shapes & sizes. Small, large, circle, square, thin crust, thick crust, stuffed crust, extra toppings.
Allow me to explain myself via a new communication method I like to call "Interpretive Napping"
I always read my girlfriend’s horoscope to see what kind of day I’m going to have.
Ladies: Sometimes you just need to throw your arms up in the air and say, "Tie me up"
I was shocked when I heard the local Radio Shack is closing. Mostly because I had no idea we had one.
Caterpillars have it made. They eat a lot, go to sleep, then wake up beautiful.
When people say "To be honest...", it means that up to that point they`ve been lying.
You only live once is the most reassuring thing I`ve ever heard.
Every new day means new opportunities... to make mistakes and f*ck things up.
Here’s a little bit of advice for you.. advi
"My name will live forever!" - Anonymous.
The secret to a successful lemonade stand is vodka.
I`d totally order a salad bar. If it had lettuce, tomatoes, cheese, ketchup, mustard, hamburger and buns.
Dear Cashier, you should stop giving me attitude and acting like you`re job is so complicated and stressful....Self-Checkout has proven that pretty much Anyone can do your job.