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Still waiting for a Discovery Channel "How It`s Made" episode on babies.
I used to be a camera man in the porn industry but it became too hard...
Explain to me the down side of being under house arrest.
If you’re getting dirty looks because your baby is crying loudly on a plane, start crying even louder and everyone will avoid eye contact
I’ve never had angry sex. I’m always happy and quite surprised that it is actually happening.
It`s all good and well until the fecal matter impacts the electric powered air current generation device.....
For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
I was in NYC and a black guy asked me if the Yankees won to which I replied, "Yeah, man, you`re free."
Sometimes I sit and wonder what the world would be like if I wasn`t awesome ... That would be scary.
The key to a long relationship: Keep the fights clean and the sex dirty.
I’m Not Arguing. I’m Simply Explaining Why I’m Right.
I wish electronics would scream a little bit when you unplugged them.
I hate people who take drugs ... Customs for example.
I can`t take this long distance relationship anymore.. Fridge, you`re coming to my room.
Today’s Generation: “Omg my parents never let me have anything.” via iPhone.