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Hey ladies breastfeeding in public,...Why don`t you ever smile in my pictures?
My brother took going to jail really badly. He refused food, drinks. He spat and swore at anyone who came near him and started throwing things everywhere. After that we NEVER played monopoly again.
I`m here to pick you up when you fall. Whether I tripped you is another thing...
The boss keeps talking about a company 401k ... I don`t think I can run that far
I wish I could have the Price Is Right audience around whenever I`m making important life decisions.
I can`t find my happy place this morning, mind if I goto yours
Sleep is my drug, the bed my dealer, the alarm clock the police.
Engineers: "okay, so we agree the space between the seat and the console will allow people to see what they dropped but never retrieve it"
Okay, I am getting really irritated. This is the 5th ATM I`ve been to today that`s had "insufficient funds".
If you`re going to be original, be prepared to be copied.
I thought eyelashes were meant to keep stuff out of your eye but half the time there is anything in my eye its an eyelash!
It`s pretty neat how owning a pool gives me an excuse to own every chemical needed to make a body completely disappear.
My doctor said I should eat better. I told him, with what he charges, I’m lucky I eat at all.
My opinion of yoga pants varies depending on if I`m at the gym or if I`m at Wal-Mart or at Taco Bell.
Today I´m going to entertain the kids with a game of duct, duct, tape.