Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I carved my name in a fruitcake in 1982. If anyone gets it this year, post a pic!
When you have a lot, you have hair. When you only have a few, you have hairs.
Two years ago I became a proud parent. My kid is 6, but they were kind of a pain those first four years.
Yes, I know how to shut up. I just don´t know when.
DRINK BEER SAVE WATER..www.godrunk.com
Does Starbucks have an express lane if your order is 10 words or less?
The iPhone 6 looks pretty cool, but it still lets people leave voicemails, so they apparently haven`t worked out all the bugs yet.
I was looking all over for my ambition today......well, It wasn`t under this 12 pack, so I`ll look tomorrow.
Sorry, I didn`t get your text...Just kidding, I ignored that sh!t.
I’m glad we don’t have to hunt for our food any more. I don’t even know where sandwiches live...
A three hour long movie adaptation of pages 74 and 75 of the Hobbit? Friggin count me in.
Some days are better than others. And those days always involve alcohol.
Single, means never having to say you`re sorry.
I surveyed 100 women on what shampoo they prefer while showering 95% said How the hell did you get in here!!!
I`m awesome ... Don`t question it, just deal with it.