Daily Silly Status

says, I am not an alcoholic. I am a social drinker. Problem is, I socialize too much!

Whenever I open my fridge, my dog looks at me with a puzzled look and he thinks, “why don’t you eat all the food?”

Roses are red, dead ones are black, why is your chest as flat as your back?

keeps getting dirty voicemails from unknown numbers. If it`s you.. Send more

I like how flies rub their hands together like tiny criminals

Sad Fact- Boobie traps seldom involve boobies.

What age is the best to break it to my kids, that they`re NOT adopted?

I`ll bet Amish people look forward to Thanksgiving since it`s the only time their clothes look festive.

Pinatas are a great way to teach children that if you repeatedly beat something with a stick, eventually you`ll get what you want.

Takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do ...

I may be delusional but at least I`m going to Mars in November.

Have you ever noticed that the & symbol looks like a guy dragging his butt across the floor?

Someone has got to come up with a polite way to ask a fat girl if she`s pregnant.

Next on SportsCenter: Where is Tim Tebow watching the Super Bowl and how will that impact the game?

I just found a $100 bill laying on the floor in the checkout lane. I don`t even have to try to find out who lost it, because it`s the same color, and has the same picture on it as the one I lost 2 years ago!! WooHoo, talk about fate huh??!!