Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Guy asked me where a public phone was. I told him 1987.
My mother always told me to never quit something I`m good at. So here is to her for making me realize that i`m good at being drunk!
My wife let me remove all her clothes last night ... From the dryer
A “buttload” of underwear would be exactly one pair.
THESE NACHOS ARE THE BOMB! …..and that’s how I got my nachos taken away at the airport.
There is no better indication of how drunk you are than how loudly you declare that you`re not.
Home is where you can say anything you want, because nobody listens to you anyway.
When you`re tucking your kids in at night, read them a few select Facebook statuses, kiss them on the forehead and whisper "This is why we must stay in school."
Tip to get out of jury duty: Begin every answer with "According to the prophecy."
I liked you a lot more before I met you.
I thought I was wrong once, but I was mistaken.
I don`t know why people say "your guess is as good as mine"? ..because my guesses are always better. ;)
My level of sarcasm has reached a dangerous level where even I don`t know if I`m kidding or not.
I wish I had the kind of life my spam folder thinks I have!
If you`re sad/single/both on valentines day just remember you can buy 40 chicken nuggets at McDonald`s for $8.99