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If you are offended by the things I post on FB you can only imagine the ones I don`t post.
You just don`t see enough people being taken away in straight jackets anymore.
Ever been completely out of toilet paper that you send your kid next door to get some? Me neither, I just like to embarrass my kid.
Sure I have my doubts, but Bigfoot doesn’t have any pictures of me either.
someone took my mood ring away... dont know how i feel about it
Rapper; "I`m killing them snitches, smacking then bitches, smokin blunts and f*ckin hoes!" *wins award* Rapper: "I just wanna thank god.."
I`m great in bed....i can sleep for days.
So many idiots, so few nuclear warheads....
Sneaking alcohol into work is pretty easy, if you put it in your stomach first.
You better not pout, you better not cry, you better not shout I`m telling you why...we have our own problems and nobody cares about yours.
Dwjxdjdhjfrjfjhrha! Sorry--you will get a more coherent status update AFTER I`ve had my coffee!
That awkward moment when Adele finds someone like me
Just got done putting up all the garage sale signs. Hope the neighbor appreciates how much work I put into their surprise garage sale.
Buying your wife a gun is like saying. "You know, I kinda want to kill myself, but I want it to be a surprise."
Smelling another person should be a choice.