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Im at a beer tasting today..so far they all taste the same out of this case...well done Budweiser...well done!!
I fell off the wagon because I was too drunk to keep my balance
Its all fun and games..until you get stuck on a level of candy crush!!!
Few things are creepier than someone saying "I know" after you introduce yourself.
Same sex marriage? Heck, I know couples who would be happy with a SOME sex marriage
You can always tell a lot from that first kiss, especially when they say things like "please stop" and "who are you?"
I can tell by your boobs that you`ve never seen a bar tab.
I`m known all over the world for my exaggerations.
I got kicked out of the audience of "Cats" on Broadway for bringing a laser pointer.
Well, I’m bored again. Time to open the fridge
Lets just skip the fight and go right to the make-up sex.
I hear they designed the newest iPhone to fit perfectly in your hand, right where your money used to be.
The "Beware of Cat" sign posted outside my house doesn`t seem to be having the desired affect.
First rule of Pizza club, you don’t share it.
Just backed into a Jaguar but I left him a note on my bank statement so he knows not to bother calling