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I got called pretty today! Well actually the full statement was "you`re pretty annoying!" But I only focus on positive things
Just heard about the Obamacare deadline and I`m freaking out. I have so many questions. Who is Obama?
I just want to buy an old Mercedes Benz,so people will think I have been rich for a long time.
You can never lose a homing pigeon. If your homing pigeon doesn`t come back, what you`ve lost is a regular pigeon.
Pandora has spoiled me. Five seconds into any conversation and I`m looking for the thumbs-down button.
You know what’s funny? Lot’s of sh!t. Loosen up already.
Cool things about being a turtle: 1. Born with a free house attached to you 2. Super chill 3. Could potentially mutate into a ninja
God made men. But sandwiches weren`t going to make themselves. So God made women.
Before you judge me, know that I don`t give a crap. Ok, go ahead.
People who walk while looking at their phones and expect me to get out of the way... LOL.
You have to wait 30 days to buy a gun but Amazon Prime only takes 2 days to ship live bees, no questions asked.
When a pizza guy comes to my door, I like to answer wearing the same uniform as him and holding a pizza.....and then insist that he called me
I hope manners is the next cool trend.
You know when I was younger I was under the impression that quick sand was going to be a serious issue in life...
This ad says: "3 out of 5 smokers die" Apparently the other 2 become immortal.