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New day, same old bullsh!t
Got an awesome watch for my birthday. It was waterproof, shockproof, fireproof, bulletproof, acidproof, childproof & scratchproof. I lost it already.
the jeremy kyle show, the only place you`ll see a six month old baby with more teeth than thier parents
My safe word is letsgetmarried.
You are on the list of the many things I would do for a Klondike bar.
Its real cute how pedestrians confuse “right of way” with immortality.
The Brain ? Forgets what I want to remember, Remembers what I want to forget.
I lost a very close friend and drinking partner last week. He got his finger caught in a wedding ring.
I got pulled over for drunk driving last night... In my defense I didn`t even know I was driving.
Saying that your company has been in business since the 1800`s isn`t a selling point. Slavery existed then too...
I always tell my kids that it`s ok to make mistakes as long as you learn how to blame them on other people.
There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
Is your family tree a cactus? Because everyone on it is a prick.
On one issue, at least, men and women agree: they both distrust women.
According to the 19 citations I got for trespassing and peeping, “neighborhood watch” isn’t what I thought it was.