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People reckon I´m too patronizing (that means I treat them as if they´re stupid).
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes that reason is that you`re a terrible person and had it coming.
The secret to dancing is to pretend you have a wedgie and you`re trying to get it unstuck without using your hands.
I have never faked a sarcasm in my entire life!
My grandparents still use encyclopedias to google stuff.
Not now, I`m busy bringing shame to my family on the internet.
I don`t even think it`s possible for a bear to cook porridge.
What I lack in sex appeal I make up in staying home and drinking.
Nice try horror movies, but everyone in my generation is already terrified to answer their phones
I`d be the stripper that got fired for eating her way out of the cake instead of jumping out of it.
The human body is amazing... You breathe in oxygen and it converts it into sarcasm.
I wish that some of my coworkers were not allowed in the break room because those are the people I need a break from.
If you love something, set it free. Maybe not dogs with rabies though. Or killer bees or pretty much any domesticated animal into the wild. Lots of stuff really. Look, the point is don`t love anything.
Starbucks isn`t really that expensive compared to how much Victoria`s Secret charges per cup.
I try and inspire at least one person everyday to leave me the f*ck alone.