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Please excuse me for talking while you were interrupting.
If Freud was alive today he would probably be awesome at telling "Yo Momma" jokes.
I hide my vodka in orange juice
people say i talk in my sleeep , but no one at work seems to notice
"Three blind mice" is probably the most popular nursery rhyme about animal cruelty
Why is it when you have a day off you seem to bounce out off bed at 6am, but the days you go to work, it takes a forklift and 2 sticks of dynamite to separate me from my pillow??
Any fool can use a computer ... Many do
is wondering where noah kept woodpeckers on his ark
For lent I`m giving up sex, wait I`m not Catholic. Whoa, that was close
Why did the Fresh Prince have to take a cab anyways? How sh!tty was that family that no one would pick him up from the airport?
If anyone ever tells you your dreams are silly, remember there’s some millionaire walking around who invented the Pool Noodle.
Happiness is realizing you can have as many drinks as you want ... cause you`re not driving.
Waved to my ex today, next time I might use all my fingers
Facebook is a lot like a fridge. When you`re bored you keep opening and closing it every couple of minutes to see if there`s anything good, but nothing ever changes :b
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is knowing not to put it in the fruit salad.