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I look forward to the day that cell phone technology finally catches up with technology in digital watches and they release a model that is water resistant up to 100 meters.
Whats the difference between a phone number & an opinion? People ask for your phone number.
Testing.. Testing.. This is a test. If this were an actual ploy for attention.. I would`ve said "bacon" or "boobies."
I’m the kind of guy who dreams about naps while I’m asleep.
What’s the point of making people like Paul McCartney and Elton John knights if they’re not going to joust?
I love it when the person’s laugh is funnier than the actual joke.
Imagine how much faster Olympic sprinters could run if they saw their wives going through their phones at the finish line
I never said I hated you. I just said that if you where on fire, I would consider roasting marshmallows. Big difference.
Noise cancelling toilets should be a thing.
Somewhere in the world right now, somebody is buying a house based on its potential for great bathroom selfies.
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody`s there to appreciate it.
Opposites attract, that`s the trouble with being awesome
Look, here’s the deal: If you’re into immature, sexually compulsive men who drink too much and need to be the center of attention at all times, you are going to find me very attractive.
Happy birthday you motor boatin SOB! Have a great day
I can`t turn water into wine, but I can turn vodka into dinner