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That awkward moment when the guy who discovered milk had to explain what he was doing to the cow
The best moments in life are the ones you don`t tell anyone about.
I`m an adult. I can eat a cupcake for breakfast & call it a muffin if I want
Either my cooking’s improved or my family’s immune systems have strengthened.
How can it be considered stealing when the WiFi signal is trespassing in my house?
When one door closes, another opens ... I had a Chevette that was like that.
There’d be less accidents if there was a texting lane.
My family is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you`re gonna get but you can be sure there are gonna be some nuts in there somewhere.
I think I may have just inadvertently accomplished something!!!
With names like "Batman" and "Robin", you`d think they could fly...
The closest I`ve come to camping was that one time when I fell asleep in the bushes outside your window with my camera.
I bought the world`s worst thesaurus yesterday. Not only is it terrible, it`s terrible.
Why is it when you take a break from Facebook everyone assumes you`re happy and in love ... Maybe I was in jail.
I can`t turn water into wine, but I can turn vodka into dinner
Of course I know right from wrong. Wrong is the fun one.