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I have decided to stop doing things "Like a Boss" and will now do things "Like a Rhinestone Cowboy."
Summer vacation: Where you drink triple, see double and act single.
I don`t know what`s scarier. Houses with Halloween decorations or houses that still have up Christmas decorations from last year.
Anything is possible when you have no clue what you`re talking about
I wish pillsbury would think of another way to open biscuits without giving you a heart attack ;)
Don`t forget to get offended today by some retarded sh!t that has absolutely no bearing on your life whatsoever.
I`m not everyone`s cup of tea ... I`d rather be someone`s shot of tequila away.
I eat tacos over a tortilla so that way when stuff falls out Boom another taco.
Clearly, it is wrong to describe woman`s menopause as "the old Fallopian tubes finally rusting shut." My bad.
Don’t waste electricity. How would you like it if I turned you on and walked away?
I`m not a gamer, but I can be as lazy as one.
So I harvested my tomato today, it`s bound to be good considering the $43.29 I invested to plant it.
Remember before the internet when all the people at the video store knew you watched porn alone on Saturday mornings
I have a black belt in leather
I just don`t think a partridge in a pear tree would make a great gift