Daily Silly Status

Adam: Eve, you read the terms and conditions before using that Apple product right? Eve: Uh yeah, totally

"Probiotic" sounds a lot better than "bacteria infested"

Roses are red, violets are blue, If i had a brick id throw it at you.

I hope to get to the point in my life where I`m not excited about finding change on the ground.

My doctor just told me I was suffering from paranoia, well he didn`t actually say that, but I could tell it was what the bastard was thinking.

I think my credit card looks weird. Could you send me a picture of yours so I can compare?

The best two kinds of beer in this world are....Cold & Free..

If I had a dollar for every time I thought about you, I would start thinking about you.

My wife wrote an email to me saying she was concerned that we have communications issues. I immediately sent an IM asking her to clarify. She messaged me on Facebook saying not to worry but that sometimes we’re not as connected as she’d like. I tweeted her that I love her more than anything. She texted me that she loves me too and sent me a poem on Pinterest explaining how tired she was after a long day of work leading to her email. So I leaned over and kissed her good night.

Illiterate? Well then sign up today for free online reading classes!

Instead of going to Starbucks, I like to make my own coffee, yell my name out incorrectly, and then light a $5 bill on fire.

I wanted to book an Elvis impersonator for a party so I phoned them up and got a call centre. It said `press 1 for the money, 2 for the show.`

Let’s fix the obesity problem AND improve eye-hand coordination by replacing vending machines with claw machines, make people earn snacks.

When you`re a kid, it makes you feel proud when someone says "Wow! You`ve gotten so big since the last time I saw you!" As an adult, not so much.

I have a condition that renders me unable to go on a diet… I get hungry.