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"Haha" - me when I don`t understand the reference
Just ONCE, I`d like to look deep into your beautiful eyes, and make hot sweet love with you without some pop-up window ruining the mood.
What does lolz mean...Laugh out loud zebras?
Life Tip: Tell your guests your house was just broken into and fake cry, they will clean it for free!
If things always went according to a plan…. life wouldn’t be interesting.
Dating should be like buying a car. You should get to talk to the previous owners... SHOW ME THE MANFAX!!
i hope your life is as long and useful as this roll of toilet paper!!!
That mind-blowing moment when you realize chores were really the crap your parents didn’t want to do.
Mornings are the best when they start in the afternoon.
Don`t have sex man, it leads to kissing and pretty soon you will have to start talking to her..
People always say that alcohol kills... but if you think about it .... it causes many births too.
you`re about as useless as a red light in grand theft auto
"This is groundbreaking stuff." - Inventor of the shovel
The opposite of "tying the knot" is "no strings attached"
I speak my mind because it hurts to bite my tongue.