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I`m gonna open a bar and name it Rehab.....
My wife looks for signs I’m cheating, but seriously, who would make a sign?
My wife wants to have more kids but I don`t want to have to learn anyone else`s name.
Life is what happens when you’re not looking at a screen.
"Wow, that Hungry Man TV dinner sure lives up to its name!" said no hungry man ever.
People are like music, some speak the truth and others are just noise.
When people say things like "You can`t change the past" I can`t help but wonder what it must be like to have that brilliant of a mind.
I hate when new parents ask who the baby looks like. It was born 15 minutes ago, it looks like a potato.
Not to interrupt your story, but do you have a completely different and possibly shorter story?
My "To Do" list today only had one entry: "Nothing". And it took me all day to finish it!
I’m not the kind of person you ever put on speaker phone.
I love asking kids what they want to be when they grow because I`m still looking for ideas
Isn`t it weird when a cop drives by you feel paranoid instead of protected.
It`s amazing what you can accomplish when you do stuff.
My imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental issues