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"Check, please!" - Me, at a restaurant begging the waiter to make sure there are no monsters under the table
Your family tree has a couple of coconuts
I told the monster in my closet that coming out of of there would make him gay, haha problem solved ....
Laugh now, but at the rate they are reproducing, the people of Walmart may one day take over the world
"Give me your finest meal, money is of no concern." ~ Me at McDonald`s on pay day.
Some of you are so dumb, I don`t even know how you found the internet.
When the sign says: DO NOT TOUCH I read: Touch when nobody is looking.
Of course I`m a good mother ... They`re still alive aren`t they.
All my life I thought air was free… and then I bought a bag of chips. ^^
I`m jealous of my parents, I`ll never have kids as cool as theirs.
Can anybody PLEASE tell me where you buy Common Sense?? I know several people that need some!!!
Awkward moment when you just wanted a sugar daddy but becomes the First Lady of America!
Nobody cleans a house faster than a man expecting to get laid.
If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, nobody else wanted them either :)
It`s not you, it`s me. I can`t stand you.