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this website used to be full of funny statuses. Then the 8-year olds came in.
Logging in to Facebook has become the equivalent of opening the fridge door and staring inside even though you`re not hungry.
Chili for breakfast. Cause I hate my Co-workers.
Every time a clerk asks "Did you find everything you need?" I always answer "No, I couldn`t find a hug"
Why is it that when you work very hard, you say you are working like a dog? Every dog I`ve ever known is lazy and sleeps 16 hours a day.
Gaining weight while you owe me money is a sign of disrespect
75% of men kiss their wives good bye when leaving the house. 100% kiss their house good bye when leaving their wives.
Being able to read minds would be incredible...but constantly hearing about how sexy and great I am would probably get old.
I`m back in the HR office today. In my defense my coworker very plainly said "stick a fork in me, I`m done"
If you cannot FACE your problem, then the problem is your FACE.
The toughest decision I will make today is bottle or draft.
Does this couch I`m laying on make me look unmotivated?
My haters only have one advantage over me. They can kiss my a$$, I can`t.
My car broke down outside Pizza Hut last night. So I ordered a pizza to be delivered to my house and got a lift from the driver.
Doing donuts in the parking lot sounds fun. Eating donuts in the parking lot sounds better.