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Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?
I tried to log in on my ipad. Turns out it was an Etch-a-Sketch and I don`t own an ipad. Also, I`m out of vodka.
Thanks for explaining the word "many" to me, it means a lot.
The only real difference between my 20s and my 30s is that now I make all my bad decisions before midnight.
I`ve been taking viagara for my sunburn........ It doesn`t cure it...... but it does keep the sheets off my legs at night.
The problem is not the problem, the problem is your attitude about the problem.
You can`t always control who walks in to your life but you can control which window to throw them out.
Yo! My friend won a trip to China. He´s out there now... trying to win a trip back.
It’s hard to tell if I’m dealing really well with life these days or if I just don’t give a sh!t.
Love makes the world go round, but alcohol makes it go round twice as fast!
I told everybody at work that I`ve got 18 cats just to make sure none of them ever want to come over for anything.
Today I saw a cat with three legs, which was much better than finding the alternative, just a cat`s leg.
If he`s dumb enough to send you a generic message in a mass text...be smart enough to reply to all "I still haven`t gotten my period."
I try not to limit my madness to March.
Just once, I would like to wake up, turn on the news, and hear... "Monday has been canceled, go back to sleep."