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I just saw a hot mom at McDonalds spank her kid after he threw his fries on the ground, so I threw my fries on the ground too.
Some relationships are like fat people, they don`t Workout!!
Im a leader not a follower... unless its a dark place then f*ck that your going first!
If doing things was as easy as thinking about doing things I’d get a lot more done.
I can`t believe it`s been a year since I didn`t become a better person....
Women have all the answers, to all of your questions, and you don`t even have to ask.
I`m certain that the reason for Wasps, Hornets, and Yellowjackets was to remind grown men that they can still scream like a little girl.
If you’re happy and you know it, you’re probably exhausting to be around.
Mustaches: 1. Like them or not? 2. Should you refuse to go out on a date with someone just because she has one?
I know the voices aren`t real, but man do they come up with some great ideas.
Whoever invented the 5 day work week and 2 day weekend can suck my a**!
My kids are always accusing me of having a favorite child which is ridiculous because I don`t really like any of them.
The guy behind me honked a nanosecond after the light turned green. So I put on my flashers and here I sit, tweeting about the whole thing
I thought kegels were like Jewish bagels
If anyone lost a roll of hundred dollar bills,with a rubber band around it...I found the rubber band....