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It’s called karma, and it’s pronounced “haha! Screw you!”
Getting married at 22 sounds alot like leaving the party at 9:30
Always keep a note in your medicine cabinet that says, “I thought you were peeing?”
Just gonna wait to see how long it takes this police sketch artist to realize I`m describing him.
That awkward moment when you finally realize what your rice krispies are saying to you.
Who was the greatest prostitute in history? Ms. Pac Man, for 25 cents that bitch would swallow balls til she died!
I may have just inadvertently accomplished something
Sometimes late at night.. I dig a hole in the back yard by lantern light.. Sure keeps my nosy neighbors on their toes.. :|
?"Oh! Oh! Oh!" Dyslexic Santa
I really like that machine at the gym where you put money into it and snacks come out.
So long pants! See you Monday!
I just took the "What Kind of Asshole are You?" quiz and got "The kind that posts my results on Facebook".
I hate getting my picture taken. Especially in front of a height chart at the police station.
I was wondering why some couples don`t go to the gym together but I guess some relationships just don`t work out...
Look, here’s the deal: If you’re into immature, sexually compulsive men who drink too much and need to be the center of attention at all times, you are going to find me very attractive.