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There`s a difference between having a unique name and a common name that`s spelled wrong.
Love is when the guy who stocks the liquor knows your name.
Keep calm and drink on.
Some of my ideas are about as profitable as selling YOLO T-Shirts at a Reincarnation seminar
If life Sucks, what makes you think death doesn`t Blow??
Santa must be the bravest man around. Who else would let a bunch of deer pull them around in a sleigh during hunting season?
I bought a used UPS truck. It gets bad gas mileage but I can park anywhere.
We spend 33% of our life sleeping, 33% wanting to be asleep and the rest apologizing to women.
Who cares how I got inside your house. What matters is that we`re together now.
Stupid people who suddenly make a smart decision have no idea how confusing that is for the rest of us.
My favorite part of the Bible is when God gives humans free will, then kills them with a flood because they didn`t act the way he wanted.
I don`t drink to forget my problems. I drink because I survived them!
And the day after Christmas has revealed that the holiday is just an elaborate ruse to get you home to fix your parents computer problems.
When you think about how big the Earth is, then how small it is compared to the Sun, and how the Sun is just a speck of dust in the universe, it`s easy to justify eating an entire chocolate cake.
If I ever get to an age where the music from the ice cream truck doesn`t make me excited, pull the plug.