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If your roommate never walked in on you naked, you`re not naked near enough.
I`m in hospital after eating what i thought was onions instead they were daffodil bulbs. Its ok doctors say i will be out in spring.
Be thankful for stupid people, they make it easier for the rest of us to get ahead in life.
Honestly, it`s not the way I look that reveals my age. It`s my use of complete sentences, proper grammar and spelling when I text.
As long as everything is exactly the way I want it. I`m totally flexible.
I`ve made up my mind, I`m not giving up anything for Lent, I`m no quitter...
I may or may not have just "Whipped my Hair Back and Forth".......
Be nice to nerds. You`ll probably be working for them one day
Only you can prevent bathroom mirror pictures.
My boss was all, "Do you know why I called you to the office, " and I was like, "I dunno is there a hidden security camera in the bathroom."
If your father is poor, Its your fate, but if your father-in-law is poor, then its your fault!
Being an American is awesome. The end.
Rest area restrooms are weird. The guy in stall next to me has four feet.
Most of happiness just comes from staying away from idiots.
My girlfriend says I need to grow up. I think she`s just angry I didn`t give her the password to my pillow fort.