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Which wine goes best with more wine?
I got all my Christmas shopping done. Hope everyone likes bunny ears, ornamental grass, and discounted peeps.
Drunk is when you feel sophisticated but can’t pronounce it.
I`m on a pepperoni pizza cleanse.
Can we just stop with the pre-sliced cheese? Is anyone so busy that they don’t have time to cut the cheese?
Hurricanes, Fires,Tiger running loose ... Whoever is playing Jumanji needs to wrap it up
Ice cream is clearly God`s way of telling us he likes us a little bit chubby.
Installing home security cameras seemed like a great idea but explaining my dance offs with the dog was something I should`ve considered.
A few bad decisions really liven up a boring day.
I am convinced that Kellogg`s works for our Government and all that Snap, Crackle, Pop is CODE.......
When something goes wrong in your life, just yell "PLOT TWIST!" and move on.
Don`t get me wrong, this Chinese take-out is amazing. But I`ll be damned if they expect me to believe a chicken fried this rice
My only trick for looking younger, is when an 80`s song comes on I try to look completely confused and slightly disgusted.
I`m laying on my yoga mat making up fake poses to fit my current activity level. Right now I`m in "downward facing chalk outline".
The song "Take me out to the Ballgame" is sung almost exclusively by people who are already at a ballgame.