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Is it just me or when you turn off the computer by holding down the power button, it feels like I’m choking it to death.
I love that sound you make when you shut the hell up.
I put on my pants like everyone else. Right after the security guard in Target says "Sir, we`re going to have to ask you to leave."
Why don`t we ever hear anyone bragging about their Allstate safe driving bonus checks?
Yawning is our body`s way of saying 20% of battery remaining
Don’t look unless you’re prepared to see.
Sometimes not being in control is the most awesome feeling in the world.
Just wrote β€˜You have no new messages’ on a piece of paper, put it in a bottle and threw it far out to sea.
My Boss requested me on facebook. I was like "pssst". If only he knew all the sh*t I post about his ugly @$$.
Every once in a while someone really special walks into your life. That person is usually delivering a pizza
My new year`s resolution is that donuts have no calories.
No means no! Unless she`s dyslexic; then it`s on!
I have read so much about the dangers of drinking and smoking, that i have decided to quit reading
Young enough to know I can. Old enough to know I shouldn`t. Stupid enough to do it anyway.
I used to think I was good at multi-tasking. Turns out it’s just my multiple personalities doing one task at a time.