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is on a Mission. The magic leprechaun told me to follow the pink racehorse to the rainbow where the orange elephant is holding my skittles hostage
I`m still kinda pissed that they never did tell us how to get to sesame street
I`ve disappointed a lot of people in my life, you`re not special.
I`m in the awkward time period between not wanting to have pants on, and having to wait for the pizza guy right now...
There is no such thing as a stupid question, but there are such things as stupid people who ask questions.
To drink, or not to drink?...what a stupid question!
I have a fold up treadmill under my fold up bed, so by the time I get the treadmill set up, I`m like "That`s enough exercise for today"
If I were the guy who made the Where’s Waldo books I would have totally made a page where Waldo wasn’t there.
There was a piece of chocolate cake in the fridge and a note “Don’t eat me”.Now there’s an empty plate and a note “Don’t tell me what to do”
Don`t judge me. I was born to be awesome, not perfect.
Beware of the deodorants with instructions that ask you to "remove the top and push up bottom"... they could at least make them round.
I bought the world`s worst thesaurus yesterday. Not only is it terrible, it`s terrible.
The first guy who made fire by rubbing two sticks together probably did a lot of other weird sh!t.
I surveyed 100 women on what shampoo they prefer while showering 95% said How the hell did you get in here!!!
I’m not always rude. Sometimes I’m sleeping.