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Getting to bed early so I can be well rested and fully alert for my morning anxiety.
Hendrix didn`t need to twerk on stage. He performed the old fashioned way, relying only on his musical talents and near lethal doses of LSD.
I`m still kinda pissed that they never did tell us how to get to sesame street
My fantasy is having two men at once. One cooking. One cleaning.
With all the technology these days, you`d think they would come up with an Online Gym where losing weight would be a click away
Only in math problems can you buy 60 cantaloupes and nobody asks what the hell is wrong with you.
Are you always this stupid? or are you just making special effort today...
Ladies: Sometimes you just need to throw your arms up in the air and say, "Tie me up"
You are the reason why I bite the heads off teddy grams.
My girlfriend left me because I`m a legend ... Or to quote her, `Arrogant`.
If you want to pick up girls ....Keep your back straight and lift with your knees.
If you`re looking for happiness, walk to your nearest liquor store.
Bands who can`t afford a smoke machine should hire my girlfriend to cook at their concert
Someone once told me, “GO FOR BROKE” !! I’m happy to report that I succeeded…
Sometimes when you first meet someone you just know you want to spend the rest of your life ... Avoiding them