Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I don’t hate you, I’m just not necessarily excited about your existence.
Early to bed, early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and a crappy party host.
In relationships, it’s important to pay attention to the person’s likes and dislikes. My parole officer, for example, hates to be tickled.
Dropped my cheeseburger in the dirt before I ate it. That`s about as organic you`re gonna get out of me.
Don´t worry ... It only seems kinky the first time.
If thought bubbles appeared over our heads, I would get punched in the face a lot more.
i make the other half of the Oreo watch.
“I don’t know why people dislike jury duty. I think being able to play god with others’ lives sounds fun!” – How I got out of jury duty
Free snow at my house. Shovel all you want!
It`s amazing how much us guys complain about women and then fully trust them with our pen!ses in their mouth.
Never take a Chess enthusiast to a restaurant with checkered tablecloths!……It’ll take them an hour to pass the salt!
"We`d be rich if you just said one f*cking word" - me, drunk, talking to my dog
Leaving the house on a Monday morning would be so much cooler if someone would yell "Aaaaand Action!" as I walk out the door.
you know you have a kid personality when you think step brothers is the greatest movie ever.
My last thought in life will probably be ” I wonder what happens if I touch this?”