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I only change the kitty litter like once every two weeks but in my defense I don`t have a cat
Life would be so much better if there were piñatas strategically placed throughout my day.
My inner child is a drunken whore
If people say you`re acting "really weird," take it as a compliment that you usually only act semi-weird and now you`re totally nailin` it.
If I could just make one thing very clear at this point ... I would.
Alcohol. Because who really wants to remember last night?
Double Stuff Oreos should just be called Oreos, and regular Oreos should be called Diet Oreos.
The problem with the general public is that it`s made of people.
I am used but in good condition.
The trouble with bucket seats is that, not everybody has the same size bucket.
Oh, you fell in love?! I fell in my bathtub.
I just found out that his full name is actually, Vehicle Identification Number Diesel.
New marital Status update : Taken, but only for GRANTED
I really wish Wal-Mart had a 10 teeth or more line...
I took two years of Spanish in high school, so ordering off the Taco Bell menu is super easy for me.