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Does lying face down on this carpet make me look unsociable?
Who do Walmart shoppers make fun of?
Click Like, if you hate being told what to do.
As I looked at my naked body in the mirror, I thought to myself: "I`m going to get thrown out of this home depot in a minute."
You mean.. people run? On purpose? When nobody is chasing them?
Not sure what to do with all the daylight we are saving.
I hate it when my kid starts crying in the middle of the night and I have to get up to close the bedroom door.
When I`m not sleepy, I listen to some Chris Brown. That knocks me out right away.
I`m afraid of a world run by adults who were never spanked as kids and got trophies just for participating.
Kinda makes you wonder how many employees used to piss on their hands in the bathroom before management finally took action
It`s hard to be a good person when kids fit so perfectly into trash cans.
If ghosts existed, why are they all apparently from the last 100 years or so? Wouldn’t there be evidence of a Neanderthal ghost here and there?
I bought a book on eBay called, "How to scam on eBay". That was 2 months ago, and it`s not arrived yet
I will be thoroughly disappointed if the first human born on Mars isn’t named Marvin.
Why is "Pissed" an expression of being upset? I`ve never been so mad that I pee`d myself.