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You`re uglier than..... well, you`re the example.
Don`t do anything you`re not prepared to explain to a paramedic...
As a kid, i was afraid of the dark. Now as an adult, I love the dark because I am terrified of the electrical bill.
Ladys have it easy, if they ever do start to loose an argument they can just start playing with their boobs
I want the job where you push scared skydivers out of the plane...
I replaced the spare tire in my car with a box of wine. I`ve no idea how to change a tire, & I bet I`ll need a drink as I wait for a ride.
Monday comes saturday ends and somewhere in between i realized i slept the weekend away....):
I’ve been repeating the same mistakes in life for so long now I may as well call them traditions.
If you`re wondering why you`re single, date someone. You`ll remember
Legalizing same sex marriage. I thought all sex was the same after marriage.
Hope you get down and funky on this the day of your birth!!
Ladies and Gentleman, I`ve traveled a long way, crossed many bridges, fought my way through countless obstacles, all to bring you this one sad truth about life. There`s never enough beer.
It`s not hotter this year. It`s just that you are fatter and there is more surface area for the sun to hit.
It`s scientifically proven that stress is caused by giving a f*ck.
Sometimes, the first step to forgiveness is understanding that the other person is an idiot.