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The story of George Washington chopping down the cherry tree is my favorite tale of honesty, integrity, and giving a child an ax
Unfortunately, showing that much cleavage doesn`t fix your face.
Don`t you just hate it when people say stuff in thier status that you really didn`t want to know? I hate that. Anyway, I gotta go poop. Talk to ya later.
The Internet makes things so convenient. Before it existed, if you wanted to order a DVD online, you had to invent the Internet.
There are a few people I`d like to go to bed with but I can`t think of a single person I`d like to wake up with.
Silence is golden but duct tape is silver.
My religious preference, is for you to steer clear of me with yours.
If you don`t have anything nice to say, put it all on social networks
I feel like Frosted Flakes gives kids an unreasonable expectation of how friendly tigers are when you try to feed them a bowl of cereal.
A date with Destiny.. Cause strippers need lovin` too.
It’s funny how 1 text, 1 song, 1 mistake, 1 lie, 1 truth, and 1 person could change your mood in 1 second.
Dreams are like pictures. I don`t care about yours unless I`m in them.
I wouldn`t say I "missed" your call.
Irony is paying a therapist to listen to how you don’t like talking to other people.
That awkward moment when you forget what you’re watching during the commercial break.