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Some call it alcoholism, I call it "keeping my emotions hydrated"
Iām eating for two ā me and that skinny girl inside my body. She likes cake, too.
"I got this." Translated: I most certainly do not have this, but prepare to be thoroughly entertained.
Step One: Always have a solid alibi.
the kids next door have challenged me to a water balloon fight. just updating my status while waiting on the water to boil.
Ice cream is clearly God`s way of telling us he likes us a little bit chubby.
Shoutout to this ATM fee for making me buy my own money.
Even when Iām home alone, I still answer Jeopardy questions out loud.
Iām in no shape to exercise.
My friends are weird. They keep vegetables in their beer crisper. Freaks
1st woman on the Moon.. Houston we have a problem What? Never mind What`s the problem? Nothing Please tell us? You know what the problem is.
Try trick or treating in spandex... I`ve seen how much it can hold.
Gluten free. Dairy free. Fat Free. I love the wine diet!
A world without Facebook would be much more productive.
It must be exhausting being offended by everything.