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More food should come with prizes inside it.
You can make your life more entertaining by simply reaching out, and getting to know a whore.
My phone battery lasts longer than relationships these days
I prefer to be crazy and happy rather than normal and bitter......
People ask me what my secret is to losing weight and I tell them not having money to buy food
I`ve been told that I can be condescending... that means that I tend to talk down to people.
I dont mind if you call me Crazy, but dont you dare call me stupid. Because to be this crazy some intelligence is definitely required.
If a woman asks if she looks fat, it’s not enough to say “no.” You must also act very surprised by the question. Jump backwards if necessary
Loneliness is when your sleeve unrolls itself while washing dishes and you try to roll it back up with your face.
An elderly woman at an ATM asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over. Yup, she needs a walker.
Up to date Girl Scout cookie sales by states: California: 138,000 Boxes Florida: 129,000 Boxes Virginia: 126,000 Boxes Colorado: 8 Million Boxes
I get in this weird mood where I don’t want to talk to anybody and just want to be left alone. I call this mood ‘Awake’
If you put a "Student Driver" sign on top of your car, Nobody will ever suspect you of drunk driving.
I hate when a website has a picture that you can click and enlarge. Then the "enlarged picture" is the same exact size as the thumbnail!
I`d tell you to go to hell, but I work there and I don`t wanna see you everyday.