Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
When I was younger, it was wine, women & song. Now I am older, it`s beer, the old lady & TV!
Waffles are just pancakes with abs.
My husband is not allowed to help with math anymore. Apperently 4 = 6.5 in his reality.
If you never jumped from couch to couch as kid to avoid the lava, then you missed out on childhood.
If by O.P.P. you mean Other People’s Pancakes, then yes I’m down with O.P.P.
I’ve never had angry sex. I’m always happy and quite surprised that it is actually happening.
I have learned that pleasing everyone is impossible…but pissing everyone off is easy and fun as hell!
I eat tacos over a tortilla so that way when stuff falls out Boom another taco.
I should eat more healthy, but we all saw how that whole apple thing went for Adam & Eve.
Got tasered at speed dating again.
How dare the NFL build walls to keep fans that haven`t paid for a ticket from entering the game!
RIP to my hair dryer. It was the only thing to blow me for the last 10 years and never complain.
All my dance moves look like i`m trying to tell the guy on first base to steal second
People go to the bar hoping for 2 things...to get hammered or to get nailed.
Today’s Generation: “Omg my parents never let me have anything.” via iPhone.