Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Everyone around me keeps telling me I`m mean ... Which is absurd ... Plus, they`re ugly.
What does Miley Cyrus have for dinner on Christmas? Twerky :`)
French people give me the crepes.
Legally,It´s questionable. Morally,It´s disgusting. Personally,I like it.
The larger the implants, the more likely she’ll be confused by a push/pull door.
I swear Mosquitos have a chart of the human body they study before they leave their nest...They seem to always bite on the worst possible places.. It`s like they huddle up and make a plan: "Ok Sally, you take the toe knuckles.. Betty, you get the crack behind the knee, Mary, you take the ankles, and I`ll take the finger knuckles..Ready? Break!"
I cant afford a Snuggie so I just wear my robe backwards...
I`ll never forget what my dad said when I gave him the picture I drew and asked him to put on the refrigerator: "Wtf Dude, you`re 23."
The girl in the car next to me is totally checking me out. I think she likes me. After I`m done picking my nose, I`m gonna smile and wave.
They say `No news is good news,` but I think it just means I have a lazy paperboy.
Guns don`t kill people. Fathers with beautiful daughters do.
Is it just me, or that sea witch Ursula from the Little Mermaid inspired from a full blown flamboyant drag queen?
The only F word out a woman`s mouth that scares me is "fine."
I`m ready to regret having sex with you.
I was just thinking…Then I thought “why?”... So there will be no more thinking today.