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Don`t rush me, I`m waiting until the last minute.
30 years later and my Cabbage Patch Kid still has no clue that he`s adopted.
Here`s $30. Drink until I am really good looking, then come and talk to me.
My greatest achievement today was writing this status.
Roughly 82% of my day is trying to decide what my next meal will be
Working from home and HR already cited me for sexual misconduct.
Ziploc`s idea of how big a sandwich should be is very different from mine.
Yes I stalk you, but only as a friend.
I never mix business with pleasure, ......unless i call an escort.
When I see something funny on the internet, I don’t usually laugh. I just blow more air out of my nose than usual.
My brain has too many tabs open.
Imagine if someone`s name was Gurt. You`d be all "yo gurt!" .. funny? no? Ok (._.)
Your screenshots of text message conversations tell me: 1. you have a great sense of humor 2. to never trust you
A sheep spends it`s entire life fearing the wolf only to be eaten by the Shepherd.
For our next trick, we should hack into North Korea`s TV system and put Jersey Shore on repeat...