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I think I`m gonna shave my legs so that there`s less wind resistance when I run to the fridge for a beer.
Between Criminal Minds, CSI, Law and Order, Castle, and Monk...I am now fairly confident I can get away with pretty much anything.
Apparently you have to go to the gym more than once to get in shape, what the hell.
Fun Fact: A pizza will never sleep with your best friend behind your back.
If a woman shaves her legs for you, at least every other day, in the Winter time, it`s Love.
If you can´t say anything nice ... we´re probably related.
If you were a Pokemon, I`d choose you.
I think my neighbor is stalking me as she`s been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.
I was admiring my six pack in the mirror for two hours,then it got cold and I put it in the fridge
When I was a kid... No wait. I still do that.
Donuts: An excuse to eat cake for breakfast.
You are more likely to be bitten by a person who believes they are a shark than an actual shark.
The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they´re going to be when you kill them.
Doctors are saying that each piece of bacon you eat takes off 9 minutes of your life.. According to my calculations i should have died in 1732.
One of the saddest days of my life was when I heard that bears sleep for half the year and I realized I had been born the wrong species