Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Hi, welcome to adulthood! You`ll be constantly tired except for right before you need to go to sleep.
I just ran butt a$$ naked through Walmart yelling "Stop that shoplifter! she got my clothes!"
Santa must be the bravest man around. Who else would let a bunch of deer pull them around in a sleigh during hunting season?
A cop just pulled me over -- asking if I knew my tail light was out? I said, `Uh uh. I drive on the inside of my car`
If they really want to increase breast awareness, why not try a National Motorboat Day?
Tony Romo tried to throw his helmet down in frustration but it was intercepted and returned for a touchdown
I always say "morning" instead of "good morning". If it were a good morning I`d still be in bed instead of talking to people.
That message felt like a great idea until I hit send.
There`s a reason why natural disasters have female names.
Have you ever looked at someone and realized "WTF" is always what immediately comes to mind?
People complain about auto-correct but it is helpful 99% of the titties.
Roses are red, violets are blue, sandwiches are tasty, rhyming is hard
I would lose weight, but I hate losing..
I would of read and liked your status if it wasn`t like 3 pages long.
I`m thinking of making a sax tape to make myself well known like some of the bad boys and girls do...does it matter if I can`t play it?