Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My New Years resolutions are just a list of mixed drinks I haven`t tried yet.
Sometimes I wrestle with my inner demons. Other times, we just hug.
A beautiful woman could post "My dog just died" and she would get replies like "Well, I`m not dead ;)"
I have a fold up treadmill under my fold up bed, so by the time I get the treadmill set up, I`m like "That`s enough exercise for today"
OK. So I danced like no one was watching. Anyone know a good lawyer?
I’m not a picky eater or anything but I will look at both sides of a Dorito before I eat it to decide if its got a good cheesy dust ratio.
Still hoping that one day I get to ride a kayak while it’s strapped to the top of someone’s car.
Give a man a gun he can rob a bank. Give a man a bank and he can rob everybody
Clearly, it is wrong to describe woman`s menopause as "the old Fallopian tubes finally rusting shut." My bad.
It`s always nice to be called Pretty in the morning. So what if he was hiding behind the trash wearing no pants.
Still haven`t cashed in my winning megamillions ticket...scared the $6 will make my friends treat me different.
Pocketwatches were replaced by wristwatches, which became digitalwatches, which were replaced by mobile phones. Which we keep in our pockets
I plan on being up really late tonight making voodoo dolls for, well, never mind, you will know who you are soon enough.
Whoever invented grass must be a billionaire that stuff is everywhere
How many “friend-zoned” guys does it take to change a light bulb? None they’ll just compliment it and get pissed when it won’t screw.