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Im at a beer tasting today..so far they all taste the same out of this case...well done Budweiser...well done!!
I wish some people`s cardio exercise consisted of running into traffic.
April Fools Day has been cancelled this year.
In actuality, Batman is just a more violent and dark version of Inspector Gadget.
To the woman that won the powerball ... "what`s up baby"
I`m not lying, I`m just making the story better.
New Years - the only day where its socially acceptable to drink this early.
You know it’s going to be a bad day when your horoscope starts with… “Are you sitting down?”
"That was supposed to be a compliment." -Men
We need to DETACH from all this technology and live life in the moment. Sent from my iPhone
I just bumped into my old headmistress who said how weird it is to see me all grown up now. Surely it would be weirder if I was still 9.
I only use shampoo that smells like raspberries so people don`t think it`s weird when I have jam in my hair.
It`s so expensive being a woman. I know because I have financed a few.
I’ve learned to use meditation to handle stress. Just kidding, I’m on my third glass of wine.
I was asked what I would give the woman who has everything... Well, my phone number for a start.