Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
79% of accidents happen in the home....... Finally, good news for the homeless
Life can be like Chess sometimes. I don`t know how to play Chess.
I suffer from paranoia and procrastination. Everyone is out to get me, just not right now.
At any given time, my wallet is worth more than it’s contents.
Money can’t buy you happiness? Well, poverty can’t buy you anything.
Crazy is like diarrhea. You can only hold it in for so long.
"This is groundbreaking stuff." - Inventor of the shovel
Just witnessed kids playing tag. What is this world coming to? Do their parents know they are outside, interacting, and getting exercise?
I`m running out of reasons to call into work. Do you think "emergency circumcision" is a good excuse?
a lady at the grocery store asked me, "How do I know you?"...to which I replied, "You must watch a lot of porn".
Two things that most people want. 1. Lose weight 2. Eat
Being fabulous all day makes me really, really tired
You can get away with farting at the zoo because you can always blame the animals...
have you ever looked at someone and thought, "yeah you definitely have someone locked away in your basement."
My butt decided to go big instead of go home.