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What flavor is this Harlem Shake you speak of?
No children were harmed in making this status. Ignored perhaps, but certainly not harmed…
If you play my day at work backwards, its about an idiot getting less and less annoying
Shouldn`t there have been at least one scene in The Karate Kid where Daniel`s mom was like "Why are you constantly in that old man`s shed?"
Last year in college football Alabama beat Arkansas, Tennessee, and Auburn. Those teams coaches all resigned. Any chance of Alabama playing agsinst the White House this year?
There’s a bald spot in my yard so I’m gonna let the grass around it grow really long and then do a comb-over.
Do you ever just get a random burst of motivation to clean your house, write a novel, paint a masterpiece or read a book ... Yeah, me neither.
The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
Saw a hobo sleeping on a box and it was surrounded by bubble wrap. Must be his alarm system.
I have enough leftover Halloween candy to get me to leftover Valentine`s Day candy time.
My dream job is a pharmacy cashier & yelling for a price check every time someone checks out anal ointment, condoms, & men buying maxi pads.
If I owned a copy store I would only hire identical twins.
Shout-out to nature for not giving wings to snakes
Does anyone else wonder why naked and baked, 2 words that go together SO well, don`t rhyme?? ...I mean, who comes up with these words anyway? lol
Some people you know was dropped on their heads as babies. Some were clearly thrown in the air, hit the ceiling fan, bounced off the wall and fell out the window.