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Life is very funny, if you take the time to watch it.
Famous people could rob banks wearing masks of themselves and they`d never get caught.
A hard thing about business is minding your own
Pandora has spoiled me. Five seconds into any conversation and I`m looking for the thumbs-down button.
Dwjxdjdhjfrjfjhrha! Sorry--you will get a more coherent status update AFTER I`ve had my coffee!
Either my cat is speaking English or that was not a vitamin I took....
For those of you who know nothing about pleasing a woman... the G spot is located at the end of the word "shopping".....js
Currently under the influence of cold and flu medicine...my actions can not be held against me!
If she is still able to walk to the kitchen after s@x , you don`t deserve a sandwich.
If lemons hand you life, you’re probably dyslexic
Organized people are just too lazy to look for things.
If Facebook isn’t a drug then someone please explain to me why I sneak into the bathroom at work to use it.
When someone is murdered, they always investigate the spouse 1st. And that pretty much tells you everything you need to know about marriage.
I bet if you look up dictionary in the dictionary it says "don`t be an a$$hole"
MARRIAGE TIP: Don`t get fat.