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I`m 28 years old, but in marriage years, I`m dead on the inside.
Nothing says “I don’t give a sh!t” like a Hawaiian shirt.
I have a life outside of internet, it involves charging my phone.
It`s like my bank account doesn`t understand me at all.
I love this oscillating fan, 5 out of every 15 seconds.
Didn`t win the lotto again ... send prayers.
When I die, I want a cellphone in my coffin…just in case.
I was going to LIKE and compliment your FB pic, but I`m not a good liar.
You make me feel "I`m-typing-this-with-my-middle-finger" angry.
I enjoy a bit of unnecessary swearing as much as the next f*cker.
is clapping his hands and stomping his feet because he is happy and he knows it.
I`m a nonviolent person until I see a spider. Then I turn into Al Capone and "I want him DEAD! I want his family DEAD! I want his house burned to the GROUND!
a lady at the grocery store asked me, "How do I know you?"...to which I replied, "You must watch a lot of porn".
I just wanna find a girl who loves me for my money. That way I wouldn`t feel bad for loving her for her body.
is sick and tired and tired of being sick and sick of being tired!