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At what point does the dentist stop giving you toothbrushes? Dude, Iām forty. I have one.
I wonder if the Happy Birthday wishes I send out to my Facebook friends would mean the same to them if they knew that I was sitting on the toilet.... LOL
The scariest US president was Rushmore, because he had 4 heads
The longest 10 seconds of my day is when I have to hold down the button on an electronic thing to turn it off
That must have been a heck of a party judging by the police reports.
This haunted house sucks. It`s just people sitting in cubicles under fluorescent lights looking sad. Wait, I`m at work, sorry.
Life is so unfair, why do we always want what we don`t have? For example, right now I want tacos
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
Is it just me, or that sea witch Ursula from the Little Mermaid inspired from a full blown flamboyant drag queen?
Life is like a p@nis. Simple, soft, straight, relaxed and hanging freely. Then women make it hard
lifes like a box of chocolates, never know whatcha gonna get (:
I`d imagine the only thing worse then getting your period is not getting your period.
The moment when someone says a word and everyone laughs, including you and then someone goes, "Do you know what that means?" and you go "No, not really."
I`m sick and tired of people telling me to turn off lights to save the environment. I tried it once, and I nearly killed some guy on a bike.
A great thing about being single is never having to erase your history tab.