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It`s like nobody ever considers the consequences of getting to know me.
I don`t try to annoy people; its just a gift.
I don`t necessarily enjoy being the bad influence...but hey, somebody has to do it!
I don`t want to be bothered with stupid $h!t today. What is stupid $h!t? Anything I don`t want to be bothered with.
I told the monster in my closet that coming out of there would make him gay. Ha!!,,That solves that problem.
"Why?" - Socrates and four year-olds
I pointed to two hags sitting across the bar from us and told my friend "That`s us in 10 years". She said "That`s a mirror".
I am convinced that Kellogg`s works for our Government and all that Snap, Crackle, Pop is CODE.......
Lately, my furnace has run so much I nicknamed it "Forest".
I`m not a doctor, but I play one on eHarmony.
Lord please give me the strength not to go all Dexter on this mother f%#*er ... Amen
I`ll be glad when it`s warm enough to pee outside!
I`m angrier than a waitress forced to sing happy birthday
Fact: If you eat a slice of pizza fast enough, your body won`t understand how many calories are in it.
"Are you completely sure this isn`t textable?" - the perfect voicemail prompt