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I wonder how many hobbies you have to suck at before you take up bird watching.
“Have you tried just drinking ALOT of vodka?”- me as a therapist
It saddens me to say that after tasting this homemade whiskey/nacho cheese ice cream, I’ve found not all dreams are meant to be followed.
The lack of a secret handshake makes me question the strength of our friendship.
People should be loved. Things should be used. Unfortunately, we have it backwards
Have you ever noticed the irony behind “hyphenated” and “non-hyphenated”?
Hockey is more enjoyable if you pretend they’re fighting over the world’s last Oreo.
I wonder if people that live in Hawaii have screensavers of bumper to bumper traffic?
This Halloween, the only Candy I`m interersted in swings from a pole and has daddy issues
I was planning on doing something today, but I haven`t finished doing nothing from yesterday.
The key to a woman`s heart is making her laugh...just make sure she`s not laughing at the size of your junk.
Hey, guy from the gym with lifting gloves still on, you can take them off now, you`re in Starbucks.
The only man worth waiting for is the delivery guy
To hell with the "dislike" button! i think we need a "who cares" button, a "WTF" button and a "STFU!" button. just saying.... Oh and a "lol" button because i just get tired of writing it! lol!
I fear the day when our kids would look at old you tube videos of us doing the Harlem Shake and Gangnam Style and think what a retarded generation ours was.