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Roses are red, violets are blue. I have 5 fingers, the middle one is for you.
Ever had sex while camping!? It`s intents!
I bet there are muppets that have thought about shanking Elmo
Million dollar idea: Alarm clock that releases spiders... NOW you`re up.
I’ll call it a “smart phone” the day I yell, “Where’s my phone?!” and it answers, “I’m here! Under your covers!”
Match dot com, but for socks.
If you`re going to be stupid, don`t do it on Facebook.
If by “clubbing” you mean eating club sandwiches then yeah I’m pretty into the club scene.
I think I’m allergic to mornings.
As I slid my finger slowly down her G string, I thought to myself "this is a nice guitar"
I take so many things with a grain of salt that I`m surprised I don`t have high blood pressure.
A good way to mess with a jogger is to run up along side them and say "I think we lost them."
When I get bored I go to a car dealership and ask the salesman to lay in the trunk so I can "see how many I`ll be able to fit"
It only takes one person to ruin it for everyone...Be that person.
My girlfriend told me she wanted me to surprise her with a gift that will take her breath away. I’m thinking about getting her a treadmill.