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Remember kids, NEVER light fireworks. Let the adults, who have been drinking all day, light them instead!
Let`s party like there`s no tomorrow and call in sick if there is one.
This Coffee has given me unrealistic expectations of productivity.
Girls here is an idea.. instead of spending that much money on make up just buy your guy a bottle of Jack Daniels.
I had to explain the Goonies today... so I`m feeling super old and bitter.
At this point in life, my greatest chance of having a threesome will be sex with a schizophrenic.
The best way to a woman`s heart is by saying three words - You lost weight.
I honestly have a fear that one day I`ll leave my house and not be wearing any pants!
Don`t apologize because you haven`t posted in a while. No one cared.
It’s not you. It’s my ears. They just make you sound so boring and dull.
I`ve got a Tootsie Pop and seven hours until the aviary notices their Spotted Owl is missing. Let`s do this!
Thank god we don`t send messages with pigeons anymore. Where would I find 200 pigeons every day?
Well another funny thing about this status is, by the time your done reading this, you realize it talks about absolutely nothing and you just wasted your time. Welcome to Facebook.
There`s not much more gratifying than seeing a chick who thinks she`s super hot trip on her high heels.
"Love your friends, Not their sisters." & "Love your sisters, Not their friends." -By Mummy...