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So you think you can study with your facebook activated? That`s cute! ^.^
I`m not an asshole, I`m just the only one who has the balls to say what everyone else is thinking.
My face hurts from pretending to like you.
I think I could be a farmer. Except for the dirt, waking up early, wearing overalls and planting crops. But I wouldn’t mind driving a tractor around.
I`m pretty sure the whole "ladies first" thing was created by a guy just to check out girls butts.
If my body was a car, I`d trade it in for a newer model. Cause everytime I cough or sneeze, my radiator leeks and my exhaust backfires.
A man made eye contact with me on the train, so I left my shoe behind ... And now, we wait...
Objects in spandex are larger than they appear
Unless you fell off the stairmaster and a barbell fell on your face... no one wants to hear about your workout.
Who am I calling stupid?? Good question.... What`s your name?!
When life gives you lemons....throw them back and yell, "I wanted cookies!"
Taxes are like a subscription to your country that you can`t cancel, no matter how bad the service gets.
If your wife says "what would you do without me?" "Live happily ever after" is NOT the correct answer.
No need to blind fold me, just hand me my phone and drive, I won`t have a clue how to get back here
I asked my wife if we could get a hot young nanny. Of course she got mad and said "No!". For one thing, we don`t have any kids...