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The worst time to need to sneeze is when you’re driving. The worst time to need to pee it when you’re driving and need to sneeze.
Don`t date guys from the internet. The last guy said he lived in a gated community. Prison, he meant prison.
There`s a certain age where you can no longer use the term "Good girl gone bad". It`s more like "Her old a$$ should know better"
Sorry I got mad and said a bunch of things I meant but shouldn`t have said out loud.
If you`re one in a million, there are more than 7,000 of you.
Going to McDonalds for a salad is like going to a prostitute for a hug.
I get a little nervous eating cucumber in a single woman`s home.
A sign on the wall of the drug store said, "Ask the pharmacist if you have questions." How would the pharmacist know if I have questions?
You can`t make me believe there`s a shortage of jobs in this country when there are 23 cash registers at WalMart and only 3 cashiers.
I`m going to start looking for the good in all people I meet this year. Except for the a$$holes.
Note to Self: In future interviews, don`t say "Safe in your strong arms" when the employer asks where I see myself in 5 years.
I’m not sure why, but to me Cheerios sound like the happiest of all circular shaped cereals.
Testing shows that people in the USA know less about geography than England, Japan and like 100 other countries I`ve never heard of.
I’ve thought about running away as an adult way more than I did as a child.